Orange Girl World

Vampires are not sexy!

The novel Dracula is, according to literary critics, an allegory of male sexual paranoia and ever since it was published people have been operating under the notion that vampires are irresistibly sexy.  This is not true.  Sometimes, the actors who portray the vampires are sexy, but a vampire in of itself is not.

Vampires have become increasingly popular in recent years.  Buffy, Twilight and True Blood have all served to make vampires look cool and attractive.  But if you really think about what they are and what they do, vampires are actually rather gross.

Here’s some tough facts:

1. They’re dead.  As in the opposite of alive – as in they once were alive then they died and then they became vampires.

2. They want to eat you.  I know in Twilight they are vegetarian vampires and in True Blood they drink synthetic blood, but they all still crave human blood.  So the whole time you are out on a date with a vampire they are probably trying not to think about how tasty your blood is.

3. Even if the vampire you are dating doesn’t want to suck your blood, their friends probably do, and they will probably try to lure you away in order to suck your blood.  I know it’s difficulty that faces a lot of couples; groups of friends don’t always blend.  But honestly, if you are dating a vampire, you could never go out with they’re friends.  It would be too dangerous.

4. They bite you during sex and suck a little blood.  That could make you anaemic.  That would make anaemia a STD.  STDs are not sexy!

5. And this is in my opinion is the worst of them all: you will age but your vampire lover won’t.  They will inevitably leave you for a younger human.

So, here’s a suggestion girls: don’t date vampires, stick to humans.